I wish I could teleport
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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