Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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