Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize