"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
