Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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