Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
