At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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