Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
