Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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