So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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