Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
