Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
