i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
