and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
