im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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