I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
