Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
