It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
pray to the hookup gods
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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