so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
