You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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