she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
