how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
be right there i have to get my cape
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
