Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
