Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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