Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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