If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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