Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
