Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
