ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
