i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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