Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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