I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
