You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
