you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
