either way he was missing a nipple.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
