I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
