the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
