She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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