one might say we're banned from that church
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
