It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
