We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
