I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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