im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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