Sponge bath it is.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
