Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
don't judge my taste in strippers
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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