I seem to have left my pride at pride
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
