i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
