You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
