I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
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Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
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Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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