Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
