this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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