420 ftw
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
