who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
