textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
