We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
