we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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