So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
