There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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