no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
