Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
