I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
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Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
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Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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