I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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