Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
