Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
