If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize