i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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