if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Randomize
