I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
