I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
