Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
