You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
