drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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