I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
