if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
