it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Michael Bay diarrhea
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
